Recently I have allowed my alter ego to rear her ugly head. For this I am ashamed. This sounds dramatic, I know, but let me explain. I hope you won’t judge me as harshly as I have been guilty of doing as of late.
Have you ever met someone and instantly felt not just the lack of a connection but serious irritation when around said individual? I don’t often dislike people I meet and think of myself as accepting, friendly and patient with others. However, I met someone recently that seemed to crawl right under my skin at our initial introduction and stayed there, prickling me like stinging nettles as though I had rolled naked in a patch of them! Usually I would think that this was just a delayed rapport and overlook my bitchiness but for some reason I just couldn’t seem to bring my head around to where my heart wanted it to be. I confess to being ashamed by my lack of character because I proceeded to be judgmental and harsh in my outlook toward this person. I had thought that I had left these mean girl feelings in the dust long ago but I was obviously mistaken. I have some work to do inside myself to understand my reaction.
I don’t feel threatened or jealous in any way of this individual, nor do I feel that I am superior to them in any way, shape or form. I was simply irked by them. They grated on my nerves. I actually felt the desire to punch them. Yikes! This is so not me. I feel as though I have betrayed myself by feeling so negatively about someone else. Why did this person bring out these feelings? Not only am I confused by my thoughts and feelings but disgusted with myself as well. Perhaps the nasty Twin of my Gemini being felt deprived of action and needed to break free of the chains I have shackled her with. Perhaps I need to drop kick this Twin to the curb when she gets out of sorts. I like Bubbly Twin far better than Bitchy Twin.
Despite my loathing of my being judgmental I have come to learn a bit more about myself through this experience. I have encountered a reemergence of a thought pattern I had hoped I had done away with. I guess the big lesson here, other than not judging others, is that we all have thoughts that are not always bright and sparkly. There are moments when kindness is not our strong suit. That we need to work through these moments and thoughts with the intent of compassion and acceptance because that person is dealing with their own “stuff” as much as each of us is. I do not have the right to judge another but need to accept them in each moment for who they are…right then.
“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” – Winston Churchill