Confrontation & Grudges

People never cease to amaze me. It is all too easy to expect everyone to think in a similar manner to oneself, yet be perplexed when the outcome is different. The push and pull of human communication and relationships are fascinating to me. Two main issues on my mind as far as character goes are confrontation and grudges. Let’s roll this around a bit, shall we.

 

I am naturally a positive and generally upbeat person as you have probably concluded and I want to see the best in people. Yes, I become disappointed when negativity arises but I tend to process it so I can let it go. I don’t need to carry baggage everywhere I go. However, if something is affecting me in a negative or displeasing manner I address it. This brings me to confrontation. If you are delivered an unsavory situation or something is on your mind, would you confront the issue head on?

 

I have been flabbergasted by people’s mannerisms where confrontation is concerned. On numerous occasions I have witnessed an individual that lets things pass unnoticed simply to avoid confrontation.  Although I understand the “not wanting to make waves” mentality, at what point should one slap the water to create ripples?  On the other side of the confrontation coin, there are those that go out of their way to seek out confrontation. They just can’t wait to get in someone’s face to force their agenda. Usually not laced with positive or helpfulness.  This is always a bit unnerving to me. There is however, a third confrontation style to throw into the mix. The Choose Your Battles style of dealing with things. I fall about here on the confrontation scale. I have absolutely no problem speaking up for myself or others. If something is troubling me I address it as soon as possible – so I can keep going forward. I don’t like hanging about kicking at the proverbial sand trying to read someones mind or intentions because that’s when over-thinking kicks in. With a brain that wants to roll things around, it is in my best interest to address things immediately to avoid building up crazy scenarios. This proves difficult at times and for this I am not always thrilled with myself. However, I am only human and life is filled with lessons. I have become quite adept at quickly shifting gears to trusting that things work out the way they are supposed to, with or without my thoughts contorting my emotions so it is best to just breathe through it.

 

Through watching how others choose their confrontation style,I realize that I am very comfortable with where I’m at. I used to be a bit of a “hot head” as my sisters will probably tell you, I’m sure. Being the youngest I had to hold my own. More because I was passionate about so-called right and wrong. Injustice wasn’t fair and I was going to shout it from the rooftop! I think I may have fallen off the roof at some point and landed in a vat of glitter. Over the past 15 years or so my temperament has changed significantly to one of happy-go-lucky and balanced. I see absolutely nothing wrong with wearing rose-coloured glasses. I think the big bang moment for me was watching another female get really aggressive in confrontation and I saw how ugly it is…with a capital U. I didn’t want to ever risk becoming that. On that note, avoiding confrontation is no healthier for the Soul than the all-out knock down-drag out technique either;  in my thinking anyway. I have recently become more open to confrontational response. I appreciate the honest approach. Preferably with a bit of compassion within. There is nothing worse than working up the nerve to pour out your thoughts and feelings and have the other person either invalidate what you feel or ignore the issue completely. Confrontation doesn’t need to be earth-shattering and decision oriented. It just needs to be real and honest. What happens with those thoughts and feelings is up to the recipient to interpret.  When we converse with an open mind we learn more about the other individual as well as ourselves as long as we go in with the intent of openness and honesty. I love a good debate as much as an emotional heart-to-heart where personal confrontation is concerned – as long as respect of personal opinion is undertaken. Above all else, respect of those involved makes confrontation enlightening.

 

 

 

“I think confrontation is healthy, because it clears the air very quickly.”  – Bill Parcells

Grudges. Do you hold a grudge? Do you stew over stuff and vow to never forgive or forget? Have you ever cut someone out of your life because of your anger or bitterness? I can’t count how many times I’ve heard people say, ” I will never forgive so-and-so because…”  Really? That other person has probably moved on ages ago wondering what the bee in your bonnet was all about! What I find most upsetting is hearing of a person refusing to ever see or talk to a family member over something petty or trivial. How very sad. Grudges have absolutely no value. A grudge is a parasite sucking happiness from the person carrying it. I believe that ego is at play in most grudge situations and if we can just put pride out of equation while inserting love, all will flow as it should. Why can’t we all just get along? Open your heart and your mind to let kindness rule. Kindness is not weakness – it is strength of character.

 

 

 

 

“I’ve had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you’re carrying a grudge, they’re out dancing.”  – Buddy Hackett 

I don’t know about you but I’d rather be dancing!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Thanksgiving Challenge

Last year at this time I was in full-out Thanksgiving dinner mode. See last year’s post here. This year I thought I was going to cruise through the weekend with absolutely no stress in sight. Alas, here I am on Thanksgiving Monday in the throes of assembling something “wow-worthy”. If not for my family’s enjoyment then at least my own sense of accomplishment. Here’s the thing…since we went to my parents’ house for Thanksgiving for a couple of days I figured that I wouldn’t feel like preparing one myself so I didn’t fill my fridge and pantry with any of the necessary ingredients. This Thanksgiving Day I have decided to challenge myself by putting together a full spread with a near empty kitchen. I seem to like this type of challenge since I do this type of thing frequently. I cook with the spirit of adventure – trying new things is great fun and I seldom use recipes except to bake.  I am sticking to an Autumn harvest theme in celebration of the season.

 

At present I have a luscious smelling pot of pumpkin and roasted garlic soup simmering on the stove. It is chock full of delicious organic ingredients and fresh herbs from my garden. In the oven is a cauliflower roasting away with real butter (mmmm…) and a sweet mesquite spice blend.  I have yet to sort out a main dish but I suspect a chickpea something or other is about to be concocted.  I’ll report back on that if anyone is interested in the comments below.  Cyndi over at Healthy A-Z inquired as to whether I would be making the gluten-free pumpkin pie that I made last year. She inspired me to do so. Sadly, my cupboards were void of the necessary items so I have decided to whip up a spiced custard and serve with baked apples. 

 

This time of year encourages me to get busy in my kitchen and get back to the simplicity of great food using what is being harvested. Soups and stews fill my foodie brain and I enjoy the run out to the back garden to snip herbs for whatever is in the works on the stove. I am usually hopping from stone to stone down the garden path in my bare feet and quickly darting back into the warmth of my fragrant kitchen with my arms full of healthy goodness.  

 

To all of my fellow Canadians, may you be filled with thanks for all of your blessings and enjoy a wonderful Thanksgiving with friends and family. To all the non-Canadians, let the spirit of gratefulness bring you peace at this splendid time of year.

 

 

 

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”  – Oprah Winfrey

 

 

 

 

Getting To Know Each Other

This post is a bit out of the ordinary for me. Normally I don’t participate in awards sent my way. I appreciate the kindness of others to share my blog along and am flattered by the positive reinforcement that what I have to say is enjoyed, at least in part, by somebody  else. Today I am giving a shout out to a lovely lady blogger that brings smiles with each of her posts and comments. I have come to look forward to her posts because I know that encapsulated within each one there is positive reinforcement that there is a silver lining and life is grand. Thank you, Ute!  Please check out Ute’s blog at utesmile.wordpress.com .

 

 

I have decided to answer the questions Ute has requested to be answered. Doing so helps my followers or those new here to get to know me a bit better and perhaps create a more personal bond.  Sharing interests and similar thoughts with others allows us to appreciate ourselves and our relationships with others more and feel a sense of connection. Here goes!

 

 

 

1. Are you a morning or an evening person?

 

Hmm… I would say that I am both. I love rising before the sun to gain the peace before the morning chaos begins. Some mornings can be challenging to get out the door so if I already have my mind focused my day starts on a good note. On the other hand, I am driven by communication and fun and the evening seems to be when the world is buzzing!

 

 

2. Which day of the week is your favourite and why?

 

In all honesty, I love Mondays. Yes I really do. Activity and movement kicks into high gear on Monday mornings…knees to chest! Get moving!

 

 

3. What is your favourite fruit and veg?

 

This is a hard one. I love almost all fruits and veggies. As a longtime vegetarian I have learned to love the variety and taste differences, sometimes subtle, in all edible plants. With the exception of papaya and lima beans which I would rather not consume.

 

 

4. If there was a planet/star which can be lived on apart from earth, would you go there to live and why?

 

The planet Earth is an incredible place. Mind you, I have no first-hand knowledge of other planets. The thought of being encased in a capsule shooting through space for goodness knows how long freaks me out too much to imagine myself leaving the beauty of this environment. If I could teleport to another planet however, it would be one of botanical abundance.

 

 

5. What type of music is your favourite?

 

Definitely Blues.

 

 

6. Have you had any encounters with animals/ insects you don’t like?

 

As a professional gardener/landscaper and horticulture technician I have definitely had my fair share of insect and animal encounters. Insects are definitely fascinating if not a bit off-putting, however I think any contact with centipedes would count as the most horrific in my eyes. Ack!

 

 

7. What makes you happy?

 

I am easy to please as I enjoy each moment for what it is (unless of course I feel threatened or fearful). Laughter makes my world go around! Happiness comes from within but outside sources that contribute to inner happiness are my kids, squeezey-take-my-breath-away hugs, wind in my hair, cranked up loud music, the feeling of being connected, and on and on.

 

 

8. Imagine you are on a lovely island, stranded, who would you like to bump into?

 

Someone with a great mind, sense of adventure and a warm personality. Time flies when you are having fun!

 

 

9. What colour suits you best? Do you wear colours often?

 

My favourite colour is blue and I wear it often in all its varying hues, although I think I wear aqua/turquoise the most as it brings out my baby blues.

 

 

10. Is nature important to you?

 

Nature is the centre of my world. We all come from Nature and will return there. I work in Nature every day of my life and feel a strong connection with the Earth. I try to live my Life as environmentally ethical as possible with the knowledge I have at every given moment. I can’t imagine feeling any other way.

 

 

A huge “thank you” to Ute for the recognition.

Melissa