Floating


 

 

 

 

In this very moment in time,  I find myself in a crazy juxtaposition. I am floating. Floating as though I am both tossed on the waves of life then a quick turnabout to the calm of outstretched limbs as I float peacefully.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by my emotion. Afraid to make a mistake, all the while knowing that if I would just stop and listen to my Inner Voice I’ll be just fine. Each and every one of us gets the reminder to listen to our inner being or instinct, if you will. How we choose to act in accordance with this voice is ours and ours alone. I know I’m not alone in choosing the overwhelming decision to take on everyone’s opinions and demands from time to time. Some of us have the tendency to let it override our own needs far too often. How can we juggle as many balls as we can handle then simply decide we are no longer capable? Why do some of us feel the need to adopt another juggler’s spheres as well as keep our own aloft? Is this not a recipe for a disaster? Or a source of self sabotage? The thought of giving up and letting the balls fall to the floor is a distressing thought to me. I know that deep within I am capable of almost anything except the jugglers dance for a lengthy period of time.

Yes, I’m stressed by the need to please everyone that surrounds me yet I’m far from a “people-pleaser”. I choose my boundaries and do not let others take advantage of me (much). I’m very capable of saying no and do so when necessary. What I do allow is my own twisted brain to guilt me for not being perfect. Yes, yes. I understand that no one is perfect. I shall always be polite, choose kindness first and foremost and most of all I all too often bite my tongue when what I really want to do is unleash a scathing verbal tirade. My self talk constantly reminds me that to let loose with anger or frustration is merely momentary satisfaction that ends in hurt feelings and self-chastizing brain activity. It serves no real purpose.

I ponder internally at those that feel aggression is the only way to prove a point. I often wonder what propels someone that feels the need to use force or aggression as a means to make themselves heard. Are we really that simplistic as a species to not be able to string proper words together without using our fists? Or to shut down the stupidity of a situation by the mere act of not giving it validation? Don’t get me wrong, there are times I’d love to give a swift slap or two and have done so in the distant past (gasp!) This is a wordless speech that offers violation and anger in return. Pointless, really. I truly believe that ego and immaturity drive the need to push one’s agenda upon another with force.

I rather veered off track, didn’t I? If you know me well, you will go with the flow of my thought progression and think nothing of it.

On that note, this is merely a reminder to like minds that carrying others burdens will not help us in either the short term or long term. It brings with it feelings of exhaustion, frustration and oftentimes resentment. We are not aiding anyone, really. Excusing another of sorting out their own thoughts/issues leads to dependence and the inability to make decisions. In exchange for carrying another jugglers issues, perhaps lending an ear is all that’s in order…or a (hypothetical) swift kick in the backside.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Floating

  1. You might want to try to use compasssion as your shield against being used by others. As you point out, people sometimes do things because they don’t know the consequence (short term result of anger: a feeling of satisfaction; long term result of anger: a feeling of unhappiness). If we can recognize this at any time and see that people are not merely simplistic, but are actually misunderstood in the way reality works, our ability to be compassionate towards those who intend to harm us will increase dramatically. Not to mention that compassion can also help us overcome our self scrutiny. Why treat others kindly and ourselves harshly? 🙂

  2. Very good point, Pieter. I agree that we need to treat ourselves with just as much compassion as we would treat others. We can oftentimes be our own worst critic. I suppose with my word choice of simplistic I meant in an instinctual way. That the flight or fight instinct is strong which can in turn lead to basic behaviour without conscious thought. To understand where the other person is coming from is a key point, I agree.
    Compassion is my middle name (ok, not really) but I do tend to lead with compassion into nearly every situation. My lifelong best friend once told me that we often carry the “shoulds” around with us. That we worry about what we should do, think or say. I’ve been working diligently for a few years now on recreating the thought pattern where the “shoulds” are concerned. This in itself brings even more compassion to the table. To realize that we all have varying scales of the Shoulds and therefore bring with our behaviour unique viewpoints. Open hearts and open minds create understanding and a healthy relationship with both ourselves and others.
    Thanks for bringing forth your thoughts on this.

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