Floating

 

 

 

 

In this very moment in time,  I find myself in a crazy juxtaposition. I am floating. Floating as though I am both tossed on the waves of life then a quick turnabout to the calm of outstretched limbs as I float peacefully.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by my emotion. Afraid to make a mistake, all the while knowing that if I would just stop and listen to my Inner Voice I’ll be just fine. Each and every one of us gets the reminder to listen to our inner being or instinct, if you will. How we choose to act in accordance with this voice is ours and ours alone. I know I’m not alone in choosing the overwhelming decision to take on everyone’s opinions and demands from time to time. Some of us have the tendency to let it override our own needs far too often. How can we juggle as many balls as we can handle then simply decide we are no longer capable? Why do some of us feel the need to adopt another juggler’s spheres as well as keep our own aloft? Is this not a recipe for a disaster? Or a source of self sabotage? The thought of giving up and letting the balls fall to the floor is a distressing thought to me. I know that deep within I am capable of almost anything except the jugglers dance for a lengthy period of time.

Yes, I’m stressed by the need to please everyone that surrounds me yet I’m far from a “people-pleaser”. I choose my boundaries and do not let others take advantage of me (much). I’m very capable of saying no and do so when necessary. What I do allow is my own twisted brain to guilt me for not being perfect. Yes, yes. I understand that no one is perfect. I shall always be polite, choose kindness first and foremost and most of all I all too often bite my tongue when what I really want to do is unleash a scathing verbal tirade. My self talk constantly reminds me that to let loose with anger or frustration is merely momentary satisfaction that ends in hurt feelings and self-chastizing brain activity. It serves no real purpose.

I ponder internally at those that feel aggression is the only way to prove a point. I often wonder what propels someone that feels the need to use force or aggression as a means to make themselves heard. Are we really that simplistic as a species to not be able to string proper words together without using our fists? Or to shut down the stupidity of a situation by the mere act of not giving it validation? Don’t get me wrong, there are times I’d love to give a swift slap or two and have done so in the distant past (gasp!) This is a wordless speech that offers violation and anger in return. Pointless, really. I truly believe that ego and immaturity drive the need to push one’s agenda upon another with force.

I rather veered off track, didn’t I? If you know me well, you will go with the flow of my thought progression and think nothing of it.

On that note, this is merely a reminder to like minds that carrying others burdens will not help us in either the short term or long term. It brings with it feelings of exhaustion, frustration and oftentimes resentment. We are not aiding anyone, really. Excusing another of sorting out their own thoughts/issues leads to dependence and the inability to make decisions. In exchange for carrying another jugglers issues, perhaps lending an ear is all that’s in order…or a (hypothetical) swift kick in the backside.

 

 

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Over-thinking

As of late there has been far too much of this going on, as far as I’m concerned. Over-thinking by not only myself, but by friends and family alike. More often than not, over-thinking tends to have us making up hair-brained scenarios and putting words in other people’s mouths that were never spoken. Other periods of over-thinking often lead to beating oneself up mentally and emotionally over something that has no real value in the grand scheme of things. We all have a tendency to go there. I have come to a few conclusions where over-thinking goes.

 

Over-thinking usually kicks in during times of impatience. Let’s take a walk down memory lane for a moment shall we, and remind ourselves of something we were told as  children (at least I was, anyway) – “patience is a virtue”. Weird statement to tell a child, really. Unless the instructor of such wisdom follows that with the definition of virtue there is no weight to the statement. As far as over-thinking goes, patience is a crucial element for me as for a few of those I’ve spoken with personally as to why and when they lean toward over-thinking. It’s the old I said something wrong and upset so-and-so. Perhaps the mind rolls to the more macabre with something such as what if they didn’t make it to their destination safely? Wherever the mind wanders to with over-thinking, it’s usually never positive. Finding inner patience is not necessarily a virtue in this situation but it’s definitely a must. I have recently reeled in my self-talk and altered my thinking to thoughts such as things fall into place as they may. My stressing about things doesn’t create a positive outcome; only I can make that happen within myself. This is an ongoing lesson. OK, maybe that is sometimes sprinkled with a bit of what the hell is going on? Just get at it already! I am an extremely patient person as long as rudeness or idiocy isn’t involved on the part of the other party that is the direct cause of such tendency to over-think.

 

Communication is key. Self explanatory really. I can roll with just about any scenario and process it whether I like it or not. If communication is there, decisions can quickly be made and forward momentum can take place. No need to visit the Land of Over-Thinksville.

 

Over-thinking causes unnecessary stress. Stress is a killer and I say, “no thank you!”

 

There is contamination into other areas of life when over-thinking sets in. If the subject of over-thinking is personal it can affect job performance. Alternately, if one carries work around with them continuously and replays scenarios constantly there will be a negative impact on social situations and possibly relationships.

 

Occasionally, some individuals tend to live in their heads and over-think almost everything. Afraid to make decisions and choices for fear they may make a mistake. On the rare occasion I have been one of these people. This is a prime example of losing the ability to trust ones instincts. Instinctual behavior is in us to keep us safe. Developing and trusting our instincts is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. It’s a deep-rooted connection to Yourself that no one else can control if you tap into it.

 

 

heart and overthinking

Last but not least, over-thinking is useless. Why make your head explode over something that may or may not happen?

 

 

 

 

overthinking

Image – unknown source

 

 

“The more you overthink the less you will understand.”
-Habeeb Akande

Transitions

“Navigate your transitions by opening up to living a wholehearted, authentic life grounded in courage and self-worth.” – Gail O’Keefe

I happened to stumble across this quote this morning. It seemed to shoot straight into the centre of the swirling chaos that has taken up residence in my mind as of late. Transitions. It’s the perfect word to describe where I’m at in my Life at the moment. So much so that I can’t even put my thoughts into words where I’m at – which is very out of the ordinary for me. Usually my mind spews out thoughts quicker than I can type, yet over the last few weeks I am living in a perpetual thunderstorm inside my head – and my heart. Not an angry thunderstorm with brooding black clouds but a thunderstorm that is clearing the way for clear skies and thoughts. This quote holds the ticket. The ticket to the usual process of my thoughts and the way I generally choose to live life; with authenticity. My courage has tripped and stumbled and self-doubt has managed to slither in through the crack under the door, so to speak. It always seems as though when there is an inkling of weakness that the nasty nonsense that is lingering on the border of thoughts gathers together and charges in like a raging bull hoping to crush the Spirit that has withheld its advances for so long. I have been sucked into the evilness of over-thinking but today I have decided to grab hold of the parasitic practice and slam it to the ground…then stomp on it with my stilettos. A perfect use for impractical footwear.

” Think for yourself. Trust your own intuition. Another’s mind isn’t walking your journey, you are.” – Scottie Waves

I have made the realization that I have taken up residence in this mindset of over-thinking long enough. Realistic thinking that focuses on forward and positive momentum to better oneself is where I’m finally at. This is not a selfish act as I’ve been privy to hearing a few times lately. Nor is this mere self-preservation. This is about taking charge of my Life. Leaning into it and letting the wind blow my hair into tangles, feeling the sunshine bright and hot on my face, stomping through mud pits that try to hold me in its grasp but staying focused on the other side. Taking ownership of oneself by living authentically not only empowers the individual but impacts those around them, allowing them to do the same. We all hold back far too much. We worry about what someone else might say or think, we don’t want to be seen as eccentric, or possibly we have never thought there was anything else to life except running on the same hamster wheel day after day. I have always had my own mind and been a strong-willed female from the get-go. While I was often soft-spoken and jovial in my approach to things I have found that I have let Life steal moments from me occasionally. No more! I’m here to live…to dream…to play! To embrace the love of living like never before. Sometimes this means pulling forth strength from within that I never doubted having but that I never needed to rely on like I need to in this moment. I need to assemble my courage and self-worth to unprecedented levels and be more Me than I’ve ever been. To be true to Myself and to respect my own instincts while always being gentle with others. There is no accomplishment in being nasty to people in the name of being truthful to yourself. I would like to recommend that those that view another individuals journey into authentic living as a personal offence take a good hard look at their own life. If authenticity is undertaken as a means to embrace Life and love while being in full connection with oneself, transitions will benefit everyone involved. Change isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts like hell but brings a stagnant or unproductive state to one of empowerment and happiness down the line of Life. Other changes are for sheer personal empowerment or unrealized dreams finally brought to the forefront. Ultimately, change brought on in a methodical manner would be most beneficial. However, in this life of mine that never seems to fall short on the pizzazz-o-meter, a plethora of changes have decided to create a landslide at present. I know I will come through the other side, perhaps with a few bruises and scrapes but ultimately I will still have a smile on my face…even if it’s pasted on for effect.

” The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” – Socrates

Harsh Judgment

Recently I have allowed my alter ego to rear her ugly head. For this I am ashamed. This sounds dramatic, I know, but let me explain. I hope you won’t judge me as harshly as I have been guilty of doing as of late.

 

Have you ever met someone and instantly felt not just the lack of a connection but serious irritation when around said individual?  I don’t often dislike people I meet and think of myself as accepting, friendly and patient with others. However, I met someone recently that seemed to crawl right under my skin at our initial introduction and stayed there, prickling me like  stinging nettles as though I had rolled naked in a patch of them! Usually I would think that this was just a delayed rapport and overlook my bitchiness but for some reason I just couldn’t seem to bring my head around to where my heart wanted it to be. I confess to being ashamed by my lack of character because I proceeded to be judgmental and harsh in my outlook toward this person. I had thought that I had left these mean girl feelings in the dust long ago but I was obviously mistaken. I have some work to do inside myself to understand my reaction.

 

 

I don’t feel threatened or jealous in any way of this individual, nor do I feel that I am superior to them in any way, shape or form. I was simply irked by them. They grated on my nerves. I actually felt the desire to punch them. Yikes! This is so not me. I feel as though I have betrayed myself by feeling so negatively about someone else. Why did this person bring out these feelings? Not only am I confused by my thoughts and feelings but disgusted with myself as well. Perhaps the nasty Twin of my Gemini being felt deprived of action and needed to break free of the chains I have shackled her with. Perhaps I need to drop kick this Twin to the curb when she gets out of sorts. I like Bubbly Twin far better than Bitchy Twin.

 

 

Despite my loathing of my being judgmental I have come to learn a bit more about myself through this experience. I have encountered a reemergence of a thought pattern I had hoped I had done away with. I guess the big lesson here, other than not judging others, is that we all have thoughts that are not always bright and sparkly. There are moments when kindness is not our strong suit. That we need to work through these moments and thoughts with the intent of compassion and acceptance because that person is dealing with their own “stuff” as much as each of us is. I do not have the right to judge another but need to accept them in each moment for who they are…right then.

 

 

 

 

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”  – Winston Churchill

Sounds of Nature

crabapple - Malus

crabapple – Malus

“Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colours, there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night.”  – Rainer Maria Rilke

Have you ever thought of what it would be like if all of the actions of nature were accompanied by sound? I hadn’t until I read this quote and honestly, the thought is quite unnerving yet fascinating simultaneously. Just consider this for a moment. If left to its own devices with no interference from humans, nature works perfectly. Everything has its task to do and all functions as it should. If each blooming flower, for instance, made a series of sounds while opening would that particular progression meld beautifully with the growing and lengthening sound bite of a blade of grass? Or would the audio be off-putting? Perhaps Nature does provide a soundtrack, we just don’t hear what’s playing.

Viburnum

Viburnum

 

 

 

 

 

In The Moment

A few days ago, I heard a woman say something so simple yet so profound. She said, ” This makes me happy.” It struck me instantly how amazing these few words strung together really are. I found myself smiling at the knowledge this woman shared outwardly. So often we deny ourselves the emotion of just being happy. To realize in the exact moment of happiness what it is that makes us feel this way is truly wonderful. The comment led to a lovely conversation with my boss (and friend) as to how this comment made us feel upon hearing the woman say such a sentence. We both had a similar reaction of joy. A heartfelt outpouring of words that made us relish the moment and reflect. To be so in touch with a moment in time and our own reaction to it is in its essence very grounding.

 

 

 

Last weekend my sister and I hit some garden centres where we came across this gigantic flower-pot. If it helps to set the scene, I’m 5’9″ so this is a pretty tall vessel for plant material! I have a similar one that is a smidgen smaller but this one was seriously big enough to immerse myself in should I so choose. If I didn’t think my sister would have been embarrassed I probably would have climbed in to test my theory. Happiness is those small blips that make your Soul feel uplifted, whatever the cause. This moment was a blip in my day…although just being with my sister makes me incredibly happy in itself.

 

 

 

 

Although I am acting like a dork, I'm happy!

Although I am acting like a dork, I’m happy!

What makes you happy? Is there a moment you remember thinking “this makes me happy”?

“True happiness is…to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future.”  – Lucius Annaeus Seneca